My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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