i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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