If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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