This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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