Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
