when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
