I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
