we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
