I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
