im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
