I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
