Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
