he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
