just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I intend to get homeless drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
