Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
