She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
