If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
