I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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