There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
