time to smoke my breakfast
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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