"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
