how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
