We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
