i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
