Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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