so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
