I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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