I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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