Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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