please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
