NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
