If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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