So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
