You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
