im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
