Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
