im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
