I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
