I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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