The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
