I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
