You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
