is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
