I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
