Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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