...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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