Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
