I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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