I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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