I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
