Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
