I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
