im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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