So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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