she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
